Sorry, y'all! I honestly have just not had much time to draw at all lately (I'm also sitting in a stairwell with a really sore butt because I'm procrastinating going home and actually doing something). I just wanted to update from the last post because that one isn't so happy, and even though those circumstances haven't necessarily changed, they've gotten severely better since!
Updates:
- I feel again, which is good.
- I don't drink as much, which is even better. (And I'm cutting beer from my diet so I won't spend so much at the pub when I go out, but now I have an insatiable taste for Jameson's...which is usually $6 per shot :/ )
- I'm actually focussing on school, which is ten billion times even better.
- I'm making plans and getting things taken care of for next year/after graduation, which is stressing me way the fuck out...but is good. Really. I'm having nightmares, for reals, about my schedule for next year and about money..
- I have an interview for a scholarship through the Pride Foundation...NBD or anything: http://www.pridefoundation.org/
- I have a possible job lined up for next year.
- I was accepted into my program for Vienna this summer.
- I'm starting a feminist musicology 'book club' type thing with some amazing people. Look out Judith Butler!!
- The weather still sucks, but my heart has finally healed.
So, in a nutshell: Life is looking up. I still hit some potholes that trip me up now and again (like accidentally forgetting my lesson time, then forgetting the time for music history discussion class...in the same day) but I can honestly say I'm happy again. I can smile again without feeling that twinge of sadness behind it, the kind that losing people special to you gives. My family, no matter how divided or spread, will always be there for me if not for each other.
Right now I'm growing and creating myself, trying to figure out my own existence and taking ownership of what/ who I am. Autonomy scares the shit out of me, but I know I can do it and I'm ready to make the jump (cut the strings, so to speak). Life as I know it will never be the same again and I'm excited to see where the doors I open take me, without the safety net of parents, money, or the things I had known and grown familiar with to stabilize myself. It's crazy scary, crazy stressful, and intensely decisive (I'm definitely not the best person when it comes to making great decisions) but it's something I need to do. I need to for myself.
Right now I'm planning. I'm setting goals and reaching them. I'm pushing myself to not settle for mediocre or average when I know I can be great or do something amazing that inspires. I'm not letting other people get in the way of that as well. The people that truly care, that are really my friends, that love me will always be here :) The people that put me down, make me feel inadequate and second guess myself: hey, I already have amazing, wonderful people in my life and I honestly don't have time to waste on your negativity.
Ok. My ass hurts really fucking bad and my lappy is about to die on me.
Tschüss y'alls!
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