This shit's PERSONAL.

So I should be doing my homework. I should be blogging about how wonderful Vienna is.

But instead I'm going to talk about shit back home.

Why?
Because it seems like the only people back there that truly, honestly want me to have a great time here are my girlfriend, a handful of friends, and my brother. There are so many things I wish I could scream at the people who continue to put me down and I'm glad that I am so far away that way I won't say something I'll regret later..

Long story short: I'm not going to go home for a long time. This is the last straw. The second my plane lands in PDX and I get into my girlfriend's car I'm driving straight on past home. I'm gonna go to my real home where people don't try to change me or tell me I need a husband. People who don't scream at me like a pissed off 4 year old that didn't get their chocolate bar when I tell them something they don't wanna hear. People who don't pretend everything is ok when it clearly isn't. There is where I find a true home, not this wrecked up fucked up mess you expect me to cling to like it was ever something precious. I'm so tired of keeping my mouth shut, tired of getting kicked in the teeth and then hugged and then kicked and then hugged. As if a hug and a kiss will make everything bad go away and ending the day with an 'I love you' makes me want to be around you again. No. I'm not coming back. At least not until I know you really are working on your problems and come to terms with the fact that you can only control yourself, you have none over me any more.

SO MUCH HAS HAPPENED.

And I've been a terrible person for not blogging them. I guess the clearest way I can describe everything will be a list, then a stream of consciousness :) here goes:

- NEW GF
- I'm in fucking Vienna
- I've won a scholarship
- I'm completely out to my entire friend/family peeps
- Traveling shenanigans



I'm in fucking VIENNA!
Yep. That's right beaches. I'm in Austria soaking up to fluorescent lights and fast food smells only an international airport could produce. I've been awake for a solid 36 hours and I've had enough caffeine to power a circus of rabid squirrels on crack. I'm so jittery yet exhausted and I'm honestly finding it hard to not fall asleep between sentences. There were some CRAZY airport shenanigans that I will definitely have to draw some pictures for when I finally get all settled in with my host-family! Until then, I'm trapped in the concourse at the Vienna International Airport until around 8:30 tomorrow morning where I will be busing myself over to the orientation site. I've never felt so over my head in my life but I know this is good. The only way to learn, the only way to grow and to develop true convictions is to be made uncomfortable and to face opposition.

Actually, I think I'm just gonna cut things a little short right there..the room is spinning and I know it shouldn't be doing that..All in all, I've finally started to understand what a true, mature, healthy, and reciprocative relationship looks and feels like. It's so fan-fucking-tastic!!!! I can't wait to get back home and jump right into her arms...because I know she'll be there :3 I know and trust that she is for real and that she really, truly, honestly cares. It's some kinda tingly wonderful I've never experienced with anyone.

Alrighty! Tschüß und aufwiedersehen!

I will definitely make sure to fill y'all in on some more of what's happened this past mont, cause it's been fucking packed! But for now I have to go....before my face slams the keyboard and I start typing like ;lskhfnaks.kansdfm,.nv;ololfmas.f/...
lkansdfmaf;klnoia

wapiofjan.kfjnkasnf
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